PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT from the American Society Against Society
If you are suffering from a lamina-propriate, densely-infiltrating and acidic schiff-positive macrophages, with villus structures obliterated within severe lesions, you may have WHIPPEL’S DISEASE - not to be confused with ZENKER’S DIVERTICULUM, an out-pouching of the mucosa, posterior through the criciopharyngeal muscle, considered too pseudo to be a true diverticulum.
The Consolidated Centers for Disease Control have also issued an alert following an outbreak of MUNKE’S KINQUE HAIR SYNDROME, formerly HASHIMOTO’S STROMA, resulting in Delhi boils, Hanoi stir-fry, and Catnip abuse. It is an autoimmune disorder, so do not drive unless you have been properly vaccinated against Teslas.
If you have any symptoms, or know of someone who has, REMAIN CALM, isolate yourself from children of mother-rearing age, and contact the young republican office nearest you. Bring cash, copper tubing, or in the case of WHIPPEL’S DISEASE, an extra case of unsqueezed toilet tissue.
You will be instructed to the market analyst who will be handing your case to help you to a safe and speedy recovery. This is all true. You read it on the internet.
