Post 756 - In Sotto Voce, Becoming a Golf Pro - Now with VIDEO!

 (Narration, soft, over series of shots from an elaborate golf course in Missouri)

This is your league announcer, Milt Goniff, bringing you highlights of the Hollister-Branson Midseason Solo Play, where the only competition is your alter ego.  The earlier OCD rally finally cleared the course, but not before they rearranged the flags alphabetically. 

Today will determine whether our current champion, Evan Palmetto of Kluweville, will become a sandbagger, a stick, a hacker, or a weekend range rat warrior.  Our last round found him mixing a snowman with a double sandy, losing his turkey to a yip and a tap-in, and getting a fried egg in his long island iced tea.   It’s a gimmie that he was the talk of the locker room, especially after that well publicized mixup between his caddie and his cabbie, who tried to drive his yellow Checker down the first fairway.  That was a lot of muscle for a par three. 

Our overview begins on hole three, where our earnest Evan approaches a treacherous five-footer.  The salad bar green is laced with potent and pungent snares, eager to entrap our brave hasenpfeffer.   He’s on the dance floor, but not cutting a rug.   A Texas wedge is pried from the apron – it’s bold, it’s foolish, it’s not even from Texas.

We note the plumb bobbing in the classic grip known as The Reverse Possum and his use of the soft stroke, whispering sweet secrets to the ball.  Very demure. Very mindful.  This is a personal favorite.  Given his history, this putt may break left, right, or fixate on its ticklish dimples.  It drifts, it drifts, and lips in!  A French fatigue move with a bogey save.   He eyes the cup like it’s the last shot of Jack Daniels.  Sublime. Absolutely sublime.

At the Kraken’s Elbow now, combining a murky water hazard filled with the soiled dreams of mid-handicap golfers and dented Yeti tumblers.   It’s an aggressive line – bordering on criminal.  In the past, he may have lost a ball, but retained his dignity—and more crucially, his cart. In this part of the course, that is considered a win.

Now at the penultimate hole, he stands at the edge of the pond — the very site where a pixillated caddie once disappeared after seeing a flash, hearing a tear in the stratosphere, and falling from a tree two hours later without his shoes, but with a pocket filled with unissued Polish zloties.  A poll was taken, but no Pole was found.  

And the yips, he must beware the yips – they’re like the yipes, but with worse gas - Evan stands cramped, but  undeterred.  Or is it on de terred.  No, it’s on de eighth.  Clad in confidence and SPF 50, he makes a clean connection, arcing with promise ... lured by the siren song of the shallows.  But, horrors, another offering to Poseidon.

He surveys the expanse with a steely gaze, and reaches –  not for a modern hybrid, no...but for his father’s prized mashy niblick — The swing—gentle yet misguided, like a valentine sent to the IRS. The ball launches! And it goes, it goes, it goes bye-bye, signaling the last of his cache, and the end of this credit retort.  Or report.  9 holes, 28 strokes, six RBIs, and one for the gipper.  A good day for all.  

Thus ends today’s Mid-season Solo Play – delivered in sotto voce, lost to a light drizzle, and now contractually obligated to speak no louder than a disappointed sigh.  This is Milt Goniff, heading for the 19th hole, the legendary mecca for those seeking Titleists and tequila!  Remember - your putter only thinks it’s the boss.

An easy par 3

An adaptation to this narrative has been stitched together as a video document - oh, so formal! - and is available to view on Vimeo via this link:  A Home Movie in Sotto Voce

Post 755 - Hoping to Survive Our Survival Food

Before the present Unraveling, there was the Initial Undoing of 2017-2021, during which time we invested in "long term storage" versions of certain foodstuffs.  

Lest we make a surprise discovery on our initial use, we thought it prudent to explore some of the 120 bags of material to see just what was in there.  At this point, it had been eight years since the initial purchase. Rodents had eschewed the sealed containers, so that was a good sign.  Maybe.

Here is one example:  "Cheesy Broccoli Rice" - The directions were rather straight-forward, and look at that list of chemicals.  

 Noteworthy, besides the inclusion of an "oxygen absorber" for the sake of longevity, is the 20-year "freshness" presumption - moreso if you read the fine print -

The lot was dated August 2017, and it is "best by" August 2042.  I know I'd be a bit past my prime by then (I'm long past it now!)

 

The "oxygen absorbant" was removed, and the contents placed in an ancient popcorn bowl (ca 1978, my first essential purchase on arrival in Battle Creek that December): 

The brick-like powder, asking only for "8 1/4 cups of boiling water"

 

All is a-boiling

And frequent stirring was suggested for a 15-20 minute simmer - those 8 year old chunks were not very cooperative

The Result?

Well, it's no gourmet experience - in fact, the 15-20 minutes turned into 45-50 minutes, and then it was very soupy.  So we added chopped carrots and frozen peas, a load of "Bragg's" seasoning, salt and pepper, and since all those preservatives cast a bit of a bitter aftertaste, some good old fashioned cane sugar, about 1/8 cup.  At that, it was, meh.  It represents a useful source of calories, and is labeled as eight servings.  

In case of Armageddon, I'd suggest a prep of 4 1/2 cups of boiling water for about an hour, with whatever non-radioactive canned food you'd want to add, keeping a sharp stick near the campfire to scare off zombies or wolves or people who realize they can't eat all that ammo they've been hoarding.

Next test - "Creamy Potato Soup!"  But we'll wait at least 72 hours to be sure we survive this particular experience first.   

 

Post 754 - "Circle the Wagons" - Another Ever-Evolving Project Since December

Will have to actually finish one of these things before too long!

 Sketch progression, in succession:

 

 

Uh oh - they wanted station wagons!

 And more characters!

And a color balance - first test

And again...

(c) MMXXV (2025) Jim Middleton, Phil Bellfy

And so it goes!  On to the next project...

OK, an animation with the colors...

 

Post 753 - Amazon Package Arrived Empty on 16 June 2025

I have a new Bot Friend:

A: Hi, you're in the right place for customer service support.
How can we help?

J: Report missing item or package

A: Here is the latest update on your delivery:
Delivered today
Based on our record, your recent order was delivered on Monday, June 16. As of our last scan, Package delivered at 8:14 AM. Your package should contain: Anne’s Favorite Nighttime Skin Care Cream. Could you please check if the item was left in a common alternative location such as a mailbox, porch, or with neighbors?

J: Oh yes, I agree - the package should indeed contain Anne’s Favorite Nighttime Skin Care Cream - however, the beautifully preserved, *unsealed* bubble-padded envelope arrived and was picked up this morning by me. And a beautiful, *unsealed* *empty* bubble-padded envelope is all there was. I think someone at FMA6 in Fort Wayne, a lovely town in Indiana, forgot to pull the plastic strip to seal the aforementioned envelope.

A: I understand your concerns about the unsealed and empty bubble-padded envelope you received. I apologize for the inconvenience this has caused, and I truly empathize with the frustration of receiving an incomplete package. To make things right, I can process a refund or send a replacement item to you. Which one would you like?

J: Get a replacement

A: Your replacement item is on its way.
Replacement Summary
Anne’s Favorite Nighttime Skin Care Cream. Please take a moment to review the details and confirm if this meets your expectations.

J: Oh you did a lovely job in coordinating this transaction, mystery voice from beyond. My expectations for this transaction are indeed met, and will be fully met when the cream arrives. (the temptation to call it a vanishing cream at this point is practically overwhelming)

A: I'm glad to hear that you're satisfied with the replacement process! Your replacement order is set to arrive by Thursday.  If you have any further questions or need assistance, please don't hesitate to reach out. Thanks for choosing Amazon. Have a wonderful day ahead!
Is there anything else I can help you with?

J: Yes, I have a question about something else

A: Can you tell me more about what you need help with?

J: I was wondering - how many Frenchman can't be wrong? And just who IS buried in Grant's Tomb?

A: pfzzzzzzzzzzzt

Post 752 - End of Spring Issue - ASIFA Central Newsletter - revised!

Also available at asifa.org in the "newsletter archives"

Whew! June 2025 ASIFA Central 

 

 

Post 751 - Cleaning Out Another Box - More Animation! This for a Head Start Program in Michigan's U.P.

This was a completed project (for once!) from 1998.  It took only about 150 drawings to flesh this out,  and I believe it was actually used by the client.  Next I hope to have material from this century!

An assembly of each step along the way, working to the final version.  

The client couldn't decide which color - blue or turquoise - would "project well," so I built the scene both ways.  Same with the end - keep it still, or pull back?  Semper Gumby! 

 

Music was added for this presentation, ca 1908 material from the Animating Apothecary Audio Archives.

 

 

Post 750 - Self-Explanatory Metaphor

 And a bonus color test 

(c) MMXXV - 2025 - Jim Middleton, The Animating Apothecary

 

Post 749 - Ce N'est Pas Magritte

 

(c) 2025 MMXXV Jim Middleton, not Magritte, The Animating Apothecary

And, an observation on this eve of Memorial Day, 2025:

If AI can provide 50 animators the power of 500, and if the 19th century mentality continues to ooze from this administration, we will find our talented minds looking elsewhere in a world that will no longer need the US.  China can play the long game, having outlasted several empires; and if they can absorb the tenets of capitalism in a mere 40 years and then integrate it with a motivated society, with a mastery of AI –  as they have mastered philosophies, phones, the internet, and EVs – our undereducated, manipulated society will become irrelevant.  We will become the junkyard dogs of the world, fighting for scraps, our walled-in clusters merely reality- TV entertainment.  “Eat your dinner, Johnny, there are starving children in America.”

 我怎样才能成为一个更好的人？

Post 748 - A Follow Up to Posting of June 1, 2011 - Memorial Day

The scattered tale of one Harry Middleton, locations known, representing a life well-traveled. 

(earlier iterations in posting of 1 June 2011)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(the memorial gardens for this one had apparently had some landscaping extensions, resulting in near-submersion of some of the family stones.  The summer will include some excavation and foundational reinforcement)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post 747 - Testing sketches from last November

Tossing in some details and other experiments amid a November 2024 stack of sketches, representing several "works in progress" (I'll have to live forever).

(c) MMXXV - 2025 - Jim Middleton, The Animating Apothecary

 And a bit more play time - 

And...

And now on to other doodles...more as this progresses...

Post 746 - May Flower Moon Sketch - for ASIFA Newsletter

(c) MMXXV (2025) Jim Middleton, The Animating Apothecary

 

Post 745 - Splinter Groups and the Glory of Collecting Toothpicks

SLIVERS IN THE TEETH - AND OTHER DENTAL WOODWORK
Notebook Entry - February, 1988

    Like matchbook collectors, mavens of the toothpick tend to hang around restaurants, bars, and cocktail waitresses.  The beginner starts young, relinquishing his Nuk nipple only for the finest quality woods, eventually transformed from the mere chewer of straw at the corner drugstore into a member of the most elite of associations, the Splinter Group.  Among those in the SG, collecting toothpicks is not so much a hobby as it is a way of life.

    Becoming a member of the Splinter Group (or its spinoff, the Reformed Splinters, also known as "R-splint" or RS) has its advantages, the most striking being its dental plan, deemed by some to be the most comprehensive in the nation.  Since the membership is renowned for its clean teeth, group coverage represents a minimal expense to the underwriters.  In addition, potential members are drawn by the annual "It'll Never Get Better If You Picket" bus tour which encompasses the major forests and lumber mills of New England and the Northwest.

    How does the casual collector of toothpicks meet the strict qualifications of becoming a member of the Splinter Group?  There are two ways: (1) the applicant must submit an affadavit attesting that his collection is his own and not an inheritance; that no part of his collection consists of plastic cocktail forks or the rubberized "reproductions" that plagued the market from 1924-1937; that his collection contains at least one specimen cut from (a) ivory (not the soap, and not from unintended sources--one applicant was denied membership for trying to pass off slivers from his Aunt Jessica's piano keys as the genuine article), (b) ebony or teak wood, and (c) sterling silver; or (2) he can send in sixteen bucks.

    I know I have derived considerable pleasure in collecting toothpicks for the past thirty years.  In fact, my many duplicates were glued together last summer to patch a hole in the garage roof, thus reassuring me and scoffing at those who consider gathering these indispensable shards of wood a waste of time.  My prized possession is a specimen either used by George Washington or a bit of fallout after some heavy teeth gnashing during the American Revolution.  In any case, I keep it in a velvet-lined box somewhere in my basement.  Someday I hope to find it.

 

Post 744 - Public Service Announcement - Sigmoidoscopy (nudge nudge wink wink)

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT - ETIQUETTE DURING SIGMOIDOSCOPIES

WHILE POLITELY DESCRIBED AS A SIMILAR SENSATION TO BEING CONFINED IN A TURKISH PRISON, SIGMOIDOSCOPIES HAVE A VALUABLE PLACE IN A PHYSICIAN'S DIAGNOSTIC TOOLBOX.

THERE ARE SOME RULES THAT SHOULD BE FOLLOWED:

(1) FAINTING AT THE SIGHT OF THE MAMMOTH HOSE ABOUT TO VIOLATE YOUR BODY IS PERMITTED; HOWEVER, AVOID COMMENTS LIKE, "HEY BUDDY, JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH THAT THING?"  SUCH COMMENTS ARE RUDE, AND YOU WILL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH ANYWAY.

(2) REFRAIN FROM EATING BEANS, ONIONS, OR CURRIED SHRIMP THE NIGHT BEFORE THE PROCEDURE.  THIS IS FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE OTHERS IN THE ROOM, SINCE YOU WILL BE AN UNCONSCIOUS, JELLYLIKE MASS BY THIS TIME.

(3) BE VERY KIND TO THOSE PERFORMING THE PROCEDURE.  REMEMBER, YOU ARE PROBABLY UNCONSCIOUS AND WILL NOT FEEL SOMETHING LIKE A TATOO BEING PUT IN A PLACE YOU WILL NEVER SEE.

REMEMBER THESE SIMPLE RULES DURING THE PROCEDURE AND YOUR SIGMOIDOSCOPY WILL BE A MORE ENJOYABLE, POLITE EXPERIENCE.

DISENGAGE

END OF PROGRAM

STOP

Post 743 - Heresy At the Viaduct - Reimagining "The Cocoanuts" with The Four Marx Brothers

The Cocoanuts Reduction - 75 minutes 

The Public Domain introduced the first Marx Brothers film, The Cocoanuts, into its arms this year.  The 1929 early talkie is best taken in comparison to other films from Paramount, notably Follow Through, that were essentially filmed records of the stage success.  

"Hey, hey!  That's only for long distances."

What has always stood out for me is how the brothers, while uncomfortable in the new medium for this first outing, seem far less forced in their performances than others making the transition.  In Follow Through,  Jack Haley and Zelma O'Neal seem to be arching themselves to the overhead microphone ("You Belong to Me") or playing to an invisible back row ("I Want to be Bad").   The Marxes seem aware of their staging but are more comfortable in their own skins - the conversations are more directed to each other than to someone off-camera (although Groucho has several glances at the camera just to check where things are going).  Follow Through is online, in two-strip Technicolor, in all its contrived plot line splendor - Follow Through - 1930 - youtube

What didn't age well in The Cocoanuts is the subplot.  Oscar Shaw is hardly a youthful love interest, and Mary Eaton's voice is shrill even for 1920's musical tastes (they were an apparent "pair" at the time on stage).   Their presence, along with their stilted non-comic lines, really drag the film into curio status.

So I committed heresy - I started cutting.  Trimming.  Peeling out about a reel's worth from the original film.  

What couldn't really be helped was the absolutely feeble concluding scene, where the plot is all resolved, and Mary Eaton peels out yet another rendition of When My Dreams Come True.   Even with the edits, even with the removal of flubbed lines, the faults in the structure of that segment can't be masked - they can only be made shorter.  And just where did Polly get those two copies of the mysterious maps to Cocoanut Grove?

I found a 1926 Victor recording of "Gems from The Cocoanuts" in my audio archives, and it includes some music that didn't make the journey to the filmed version, so I took liberty to play with the opening montage, the Lovely Land Called Florida segment, and the closing reprise of Dreams Come True by replacing the final song with A Little Bungalow.  

What remains is a brisk 75 minute version of The Cocoanuts, retaining the repeated confusion of whether Groucho's missed train is the 4:15 or the 4:30, but removing many of the distractions from the brothers' scenes.  It makes their first film a logical prelude to their characters in Monkey Business, even if it doesn't completely lay the groundwork for their second film, the classic Animal Crackers  (which will go into Public Domain in 2026, with the benefit of added clips that were discovered in an uncensored British print just a few years ago).  

I have always found it interesting that it took so long for film producers to understand that the purpose of the chorus lines and the love interests was just to allow the Marxes the chance to rest between their dynamic scenes and reset the stage behind the curtain.  In film, you can just cut, and the sweat equity is already taken care of.  Bob Gassel of the Marx Brothers Council Podcast, - Link to that site here  - a genius at creating lost continuity, did just that a few years ago, in his "Paramount edits" of their MGM films, where the potently flawed At the Circus and The Big Store were both trimmed to a fairly palatable 45 minutes.  

Think what you may, The Cocoanuts is my current favorite tasty treat in this truncated form: 

The Cocoanuts Reduction on Vimeo

And, while I was at it, I thought their "final" film could have some uninvited attention, too (it entered the public domain several years ago):  

A Night in Casablanca Revisit - 74 minutes

Post 742 - Atticus (the Catticus)

Post 741 - A Quick Overview of Battle Creek's Dr. John Harvey Kellogg and his Influence, ca 1993

Dr. Kellogg had determined that his Biologic Living could take care of any complaint.  He had already decided that quinine was less effective than hydrotherapy for typhoid; so, when the depression hit, he decided to save money by walking into the San's pharmacy and firing the whole department.  Now, in Michigan, there is a law that states if a hospital has more than 25 beds, it is required to have an on-site pharmacist.  So a week or so later, Dr. Kellogg was in the situation of having to replace his pharmacy department.  Most of the staff had found jobs elsewhere, except for one of the technicians, who was still working at the San, but in physical therapy.  Dr. Kellogg tracked him down and put him in charge of the newly reorganized pharmacy department.  I suppose by doing this, you could say he anticipated today's methods of health care management.  By the way, the new employees of the pharmacy were encouraged to use the back entrances of the San.  

Dr. Kellogg made a point of commenting on the contemporary women's fashions of the 19th century.  He was especially disturbed with the use of corsets to get the "hour glass" figure so popular then, and made a point in his world travels of measuring the natural waistlines of the native population.  Constriction of the intestines interrupted the natural flow of things and could lead to autointoxication.  One day he set out to demonstrate this with an experiment on his wife's collie, fitting the dog with a patient's corset.  The dog had other ideas and took off.  Kellogg followed on his bicycle but the dog made it home first, still partially wearing the corset.  There is no documentation of the conversation that followed between the doctor and his wife, just as there is no record of how the doctor coaxed one of his patient's from her corset.

In the end, he was a man of contradictions.  While telling us we needed to relax, he worked upwards of 20 hours a day.  He wanted us to eat properly, but was erratic in his own diet.  He considered himself a philanthropist, but paid the lowest possible wages to his employees.  He wrote over 50 books, was foster father to over 40 children, performed over 10,000 surgeries, and put Battle Creek on the map before anyone ever heard of corn flakes, yet there is not a single monument, building, or street named for him.  Ultimately, he was a man of ideals and ideas, but a poor businessman who didn't have an effective plan to perpetuate his legacy.  

With George Bernard Shaw, mid 1920s

Post 740 - A Public Service Announcement

 

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT from the American Society Against Society

 

If you are suffering from a lamina-propriate, densely-infiltrating and acidic schiff-positive macrophages, with villus structures obliterated within severe lesions, you may have WHIPPEL’S DISEASE - not to be confused with ZENKER’S DIVERTICULUM, an out-pouching of the mucosa, posterior through the criciopharyngeal muscle, considered too pseudo to be a true diverticulum.

 

The Consolidated Centers for Disease Control have also issued an alert following an outbreak of MUNKE’S KINQUE HAIR SYNDROME, formerly HASHIMOTO’S STROMA, resulting in Delhi boils, Hanoi stir-fry, and Catnip abuse. It is an autoimmune disorder, so do not drive unless you have been properly vaccinated against Teslas. 

 

If you have any symptoms, or know of someone who has, REMAIN CALM, isolate yourself from children of mother-rearing age, and contact the young republican office nearest you. Bring cash, copper tubing, or in the case of WHIPPEL’S DISEASE, an extra case of unsqueezed toilet tissue.

 

You will be instructed to the market analyst who will be handing your case to help you to a safe and speedy recovery. This is all true. You read it on the internet.