Int: The Ticket Office
ONE: I can never read these train schedules. The last time I wound up in Duluth.
TWO: I bet it’s hard to unwind after that.
ONE: And the food’s terrible on those cars.
TWO: It’s all in the timing. Look, if you take an express train west, you can cross enough time zones so it hasn’t been cooked yet - that way it stays fresh.
ONE: Is there a train that fast?
TWO: Sure - I’ve missed dozens of them.
ONE: I just need enough time to pack, repack, and still be able to lose my toothbrush.
TWO: Well, you can always floss with some uncooked spaghetti. It’ll be fresh.
ONE: Have you every tried to eat your weight in spaghetti?
TWO: Naah, I end up wearing most of it. But if you move fast enough, who needs clothes?
ONE: I’m sorry, I missed something - is it that kind of a train?
TWO: No, but you can wear yesterday’s clothes and they won’t get dirty until tomorrow.
ONE: And by the time you discover you need something, you’ve already used it.
TWO: That's an idea - hey, everyone can just forget their luggage -- we’ll make a fortune with the lost and found!
ONE: We can even get people back to the station before they know where they're were going.
TWO: Sure - we can collect all that interest on their Daylight Savings.
ONE: Or plan a party for tonight and have the hangover before we leave.
TWO: Just think - we can put off to tomorrow what we put off for today, and still have two days left.
ONE: And you can finally achieve your life’s ambition - become the world’s fastest procrastinator.
(c) 2024 Jim Middleton, The Animating Apothecary
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