PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT - ETIQUETTE DURING SIGMOIDOSCOPIES
WHILE POLITELY DESCRIBED AS A SIMILAR SENSATION TO BEING CONFINED IN A TURKISH PRISON, SIGMOIDOSCOPIES HAVE A VALUABLE PLACE IN A PHYSICIAN'S DIAGNOSTIC TOOLBOX.
THERE ARE SOME RULES THAT SHOULD BE FOLLOWED:
(1) FAINTING AT THE SIGHT OF THE MAMMOTH HOSE ABOUT TO VIOLATE YOUR BODY IS PERMITTED; HOWEVER, AVOID COMMENTS LIKE, "HEY BUDDY, JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH THAT THING?" SUCH COMMENTS ARE RUDE, AND YOU WILL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH ANYWAY.
(2) REFRAIN FROM EATING BEANS, ONIONS, OR CURRIED SHRIMP THE NIGHT BEFORE THE PROCEDURE. THIS IS FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE OTHERS IN THE ROOM, SINCE YOU WILL BE AN UNCONSCIOUS, JELLYLIKE MASS BY THIS TIME.
(3) BE VERY KIND TO THOSE PERFORMING THE PROCEDURE. REMEMBER, YOU ARE PROBABLY UNCONSCIOUS AND WILL NOT FEEL SOMETHING LIKE A TATOO BEING PUT IN A PLACE YOU WILL NEVER SEE.
REMEMBER THESE SIMPLE RULES DURING THE PROCEDURE AND YOUR SIGMOIDOSCOPY WILL BE A MORE ENJOYABLE, POLITE EXPERIENCE.
DISENGAGE
END OF PROGRAM
STOP
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