Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Out Like a Lamb, My Eye!

A Bedtime Story for Sleepy Children (so it doesn't matter what you tell them)

Once upon a time there was a beautiful, magical Princess who was so elated at the joys in life that she always found herself floating, ever so slightly,  2.54 inches above the ground.
Because she was so happy, nobody really seemed to notice, mainly because she was a beautiful, magical Princess, after all, but also because her Kingdom was very polite and thought it would just be rude to comment.
Nobody really seemed to notice, that is, except her dog.  Her dog was almost 25 years old, and that being quite old for a dog, he a trouble seeing things, so he would go by smell to recognize other dogs, where his Royal dinner bowl was, and who the nearest human might be.
This elderly dog would always meet his Princess by sniffing at her happily floating feet, ever so slightly above the floor; and, where the loyal subjects did not seem to notice the knack their Princess had for floating, they certainly noticed how her dog behaved.
After a while, the loyal subjects began referring to the distance the Princess floated from the floor as the “scent to meet her,” and it became a common unit of measurement throughout the entire kingdom.
However, that is not the point of this story.
The ever so slightly floating Princess did develop a problem because of her happiness – and that was, well, she tumbled a lot.  A sudden dip or random stone in her path would appear on occasion, and she would then fall forward, execute a magnificent Royal flip, and land on her Royal bottom.
However, twice before her eighteenth birthday, she executed her magnificent Royal flip into the rough side of a tree in the Royal front yard.   It took all the King’s surgeons to c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y paste her cut together to prevent a scar on her beautiful, magical face each time.
The King’s surgeons were concerned that, someday, they might not be able to put her back together again so precisely.  It would not do for a beautiful, magical, nearly eighteen year old Princess to have an accidental wrinkle....and they certainly didn’t want her to stop being so elated at the joys of life, so they were very, very perplexed.
One day after the Princess had her eighteenth birthday, a woodworker from a neighboring Kingdom happened by.  The Princess was happily floating around the carefully trimmed Royal front yard and the woodworker saw her execute two perfectly magnificent Royal flips onto her Royal bottom.
He introduced himself to her before the Royal surgeons could coming to the rescue of the beautiful, magical Princess.  He suggested that he could help her with her Royal problem without interfering with her ability to be elated at the joys in the world.
The woodworker crafted her a special pair of delicate, wooden shoes with a heel 2.54 inches deep, so her Royal feet would always touch the ground.
The beautiful, magical Princess said, “My goodness!”  The woodworker blushed and replied, “I’m charmed!”
And so they were married with much celebration, dancing, and cavorting.
About a year later, they had a little boy that the loyal subjects called Cavort.
When he turned seven, he was presented with a magnificent birthday cake, lit with seven beautifully carved candles.  “I’m so happy,” he said, “I could positively fly!”
“Well, if you do,” said his mother, “Tell your father you need a new pair of shoes.”


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